If I had known
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September 2011
Meet Johanna…
“I’m that girl growing up who always said that when SHE was the grown-up making the decisions, she would choose to settle somewhere and plant roots that went so deep they could never be pulled up. Leave it to God’s sense of humor to have me marry a man who is a great weed puller.”
Johanna is new friend to Just Moved Ministry and writes a wonderful blog that includes her journey through a major move. We’ll begin her story here and keep you updated from time to time. Click here to read the entire blog.
If I had known…
If I had known last December that 10 months after putting our house on the market that it would still be sitting there, empty… would I be sitting here today? If I had known last December that we would have been making two house payments for going on 5 months now, would I be sitting here… right in the middle of where we believe God meant for our family to be?
Last year my husband came home and turned my comfortable world upside down. With thoughts toward a transition at work and a move to Virginia for our family, the coming months seemed full of uncertainty at a time when I was ready to just relax and enjoy the peacefulness and joy that the season brings. With a peace not my own, I supported him in his decisions surrounding his job and the move.
Now a year later, that peace seems to have, at times, packed up and run as far from me as possible. I tend to be fairly laid back about most things, so the anxiety and almost panic-like symptoms that have gripped me at the most random of times make me frustrated with myself when I can’t just “talk myself out of it” or just decide to not let what I’m feeling have a physical effect on me. The pain and tightness that seem to grab hold of my heart and squeeze relentlessly make me feel out of control.
I don’t want to ever pretend like I have all the answers (or ANY for that matter!) or that it’s ever easy to just simply make the choice to trust. However, I have to say, attitude and my choice to view things in light of how I’m so very blessed, even amidst difficult circumstance, makes all the difference in the world. I have many times in this past year reflected on how God’s faithfulness is always evident when we choose to see our circumstance through His promise to give us a future and a hope. ‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’” (Jeremiah 29:11)
I’d like to say that back then I had prayed for God to change my heart to be united with the dreams of the man whom God had given me. I did not. I prayed instead that God would work in my husband and remind him that I was staying put! And that when he came to his senses, I’d be able to forgive him and put all these hair-brained ideas behind us.
How grateful I am that God instead worked on my own heart, even while I was trying my best to selfishly stamp out any desire other than my own. He proved Himself faithful [by] changing my heart’s desires to reflect His. “Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.” (Psalm 37:3-5)
Right now the desire of my heart is for our house in Maryland to sell. The stress of it sometimes overwhelms me. It’s never fun to feel like you’re being stretched to your limit with no view of, or plan for, relief in sight. I have no earthly idea why God would have allowed this financial burden to continue to this point. Or why other desires He has placed so deep in our hearts have to, as a result, be put on hold. But what I do know, what I cling to, is that He IS faithful. “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23) I am blessed beyond measure. His changing of my heart in this one instance is only one of hundreds that I could testify to if I choose to reflect on His blessings instead of circumstance that can at times overwhelm and threaten to steal my joy. “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus…. Faithful is He who calls you….” (I Thessalonians 5:16-18,24)
“You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 16:11) The path has at times been a winding one, far from direct, and it has sometimes been difficult to see just where we’re headed through the shadows that loom across the path. At other times, God has given such a clear vision of where we’re headed that it’s been easy to tie up our laces and run head on into where He’s leading, only to be stopped short by an unexpected detour. Through it all God has been faithful to continue to reveal the path to us. I can honestly say though, that we have found “fullness of joy” and “pleasures forevermore” in a plan not of my own, but of His design for our lives and one of abundant joy.
